The Dukes Get Spooked
by Caretaker13
Summary: The Duke boys meet Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.
1. Chapter 1

One cloudy, yet hot, summer day in Hazzard County, Georgia, Bo and Luke Duke were driving their orange, 1969, Dodge Charger, that they called, The General Lee, down an old, deserted, dirt road out in the country, when all of a sudden the air conditioner decided to conk out.

"Well, isn't that just peachy," said Bo, the youngest Duke cousin, who sat behind the wheel of The General. Bo was lean and tan, with a baby face, feathery blonde hair, and big, blue, puppy-dog eyes. His cousin Luke, on the other hand, who sat beside him, was stocky and muscular, with dark hair, but with blue eyes also, which he now squinted as he furrowed his brow.

"As if it wasn't already hot and muggy enough," he said to Bo, and then wiped some sweat off his forehead with his arm. The cousins looked at each other and frowned. Bo banged on the dashboard once, then twice, but it did no good. They'd have to take the car to Cooter's Garage as soon as possible and have it looked at. Til then they'd just have to grin and bear it.

They continued driving for a quarter mile down the same old road, in the oppressive heat, when they suddenly passed by a small, secluded pond. Bo stopped the car and looked at his cousin.

"You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" he asked.

It was a well worn pastime of the duke boys to cool off on hot summer days by going skinny dipping. They'd been doing it since they were little kids and seeing as how this was a private spot and all, it seemed like a perfect opportunity for them to beat the heat.

"Yeah, I s'pose," said Luke.

After pulling The General off to the side of the road and parking it under the shade of some oak trees, the boys went behind a shrub and disrobed. Then they headed, buck naked, towards the water. No sooner had they jumped in and begun to swim around in the refreshing, cool water, then they heard a woman's voice coming from behind some reeds on the shore at the far end of the pond. The boys gave each other curious looks.

"Who else would be all the way out here?" asked Bo.

"The only place around for miles is the old Pringle house, and that's been abandoned for decades," said Luke.

The cousins decided to investigate, even in their current condition. They swam towards the side of the pond they had heard the voice from and as they approached, they heard it again. They also heard the low growl of a dog.

"What is your problem?" said the woman's voice, most likely to the dog.

The Duke boys snuck quietly out of the water and through the reeds until they could just see the source of the sounds. A beautiful, pale woman with long legs and huge... sunglasses lay in the sand on a black beach towel. She was wearing a black bikini and a large, floppy hat that was also black, but with two white stripes across the crown. From beneath her hat, long, silky black hair cascaded down around her milky shoulders. Next to her was a picnic basket, a glass of lemonade, and a small poodle with a pink mohawk and studded leather collar on.

"Well don't that beat all," Bo whispered to Luke.

The dog heard Bo and barked.

The woman sat up and took her sunglasses off angrily.

"Gonk, I swear, if you don't stop yapping at the turtles, I'm gonna sell you to a sausage factory-" she said, but then she stopped upon noticing the Dukes who were not terribly well hidden in the thin reeds.

"Oh. Now that's a big turtle," said the woman.

Bo and Luke quickly put their hands over their privates.

"Sorry to surprise you, ma'am," said Luke, blushing, "But we just heard your voice and thought we'd investigate."

"Please," said the woman, enthusiastically, "Come investigate."

"It's just that we thought we were all alone out here is all," said Bo, also blushing.

"Welp, here I am," said the woman, making a grand gesture with her hands, "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark." Then she nodded to her dog. "And this is Gonk," she said, making a face.

"Pleasure, Ma'am," said Luke. "I'm Luke Duke, and this here's my cousin, Bo."

"You'll excuse us if we don't shake your hand," said Bo.

"Will I?" asked Elvira, with a wink.

The boys chuckled, nervously.

"Ya know, if you guys are trying to cool off, you're more than welcome to come back to my place with me and I'll get you some nice big glasses of lemonade." She raised her own glass to her full red lips. "There's more where this came from," she said, taking a drink.

The Dukes looked at each other.

"Sure," said Bo. "Let us just go get our clothes back on."

"If you must" said Elvira.

"Where exactly is your place?" asked Luke, looking around.

"The old Pringle house," said Elvira. "Just across the way. Ya know it?"

"Sure do," said the boys.


	2. Chapter 2

After getting their clothes back on and driving around to the other side of the pond and down the short little road that lead to the Pringle place, Bo and Luke pulled up in front of the decrepit old house and paused. It was all weather-beaten with broken windows, holes in the roof, and gnarled vines and briar bushes overgrowing it. It looked to the Dukes like no one had lived there in decades. Who was this Elvira woman, they wondered, and why was she in this place all of a sudden? The Dukes looked at each other for a moment and then climbed out of the car. As they walked up the steps of the porch, each one made a creaking, groaning sound under foot as if the whole structure was going to give way beneath them. Bo reached the door first and rapped on it with his knuckles, knocking off bits of peeling paint. Elvira quickly answered the door with a smile. She had changed out of her bathing suit and into a long, black, dress that prominently displayed her legs and bosom. Around her waist was a leather belt with a sharp dagger holstered in it and her hair, now without the hat on, was piled into a big beehive.

"Oh, good, you actually came," she said with genuine surprise.

"Yes, ma'am," said Luke.

"Please, call me Elvira," said Elvira. "Ma'am was my father's name." She laughed at her own joke and then ushered them into the dark, cool, interior of the house and shut the door.

"Follow me boys," she said and then she sashayed down a hallway, which was impressive, considering she was wearing stiletto heels. The Dukes did as she said and followed her and soon found themselves in the dusty, cobweb-covered living room of the house. Heavy, moth-eaten curtains were drawn shut over every window and the old wooden furniture that filled the room looked as if it would fall apart if you so much as leaned on it. The only things in the room that didn't look old and dilapidated were a red, velvet, Victorian, couch, some movie posters hanging on the walls that advertised titles such as Spider Baby, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Squirm, and lastly a phone that appeared to be made out of human bones that sat on an end table. Bo grabbed Luke's arm and nodded towards the phone. Luke gave it a once over and then scoffed at his cousin.

"It's plastic," he whispered.

"please, have a seat," said Elvira, gesturing to the red couch.

The boys sat down at both ends and then Elvira came and plopped herself down between them.

"Now, isn't this cozy," she said in a sexy way. "Feel free to grab what you like."

Bo looked at her chest.

"I'm sorry?" said Luke.

Elvira gestured to the coffee table in front of them. There was a tray with two glasses of lemonade, a bowl of potato chips, and a small plate of cookies on it.

"Oh!" said Bo. "Much obliged." He reached forward and took a cookie. Luke laughed nervously and took one of the glasses of lemonade.

"Mmm," said Bo as he bit into the treat. "Nice cookies."

"Aren't they?" said Elvira, and she gave him a wink.

"So, what brings you to Hazzard?" asked Luke, suddenly. "If you don't mind me asking."

"Not at all," said Elvira. "It was my car." She laughed again. "No, but really, I'm actually thinking about buying this place as my new summer home. The old one kind of... sank... into a swamp."

"Well, I hope you don't think this rude or anything, but, why this place?" asked Bo.

"Out of all the places I looked at in the area this one had a certain... something. A certain allure, I guess you could say. Plus, it's all I can afford. Horror hosting doesn't really pay a whole lot, ya know?"

"Horror whating?" asked Luke.

"Hosting," said Elvira. "It's what I do. Don't tell me you've never heard of the nationally syndicated TV show, Movie Macabre."

The Dukes shook their heads.

"Well, anyway, take my word for it, it's huge," said Elvira.

"Then how come it don't pay so good?" asked Bo.

"Because fine art is never appreciated in its day, duh," said Elvira.

"Well, welcome to Hazzard, I s'pose," said Luke, sort of toasting with his glass.

"And if you ever need any help fixing up the place," said Bo, looking around, "We'll be happy to give you a hand."

"Actually, now that you mention it," said Elvira in a sexy way again, "There is something you boys might be able to take a look at."

"What's that?" asked Luke.


	3. Chapter 3

"My car," said Elvira. The three of them were now standing outside behind the house in front of a black, 1958, Thunderbird, convertible. Bo and Luke had seen a lot of cars in their day, but none like this. It had a steering wheel that looked like a chain, a silver skull for a gear shift handle, a string of garlic hanging from the rear view mirror, and the license plates read KICKASS.

"Wow," said Bo.

"I know right?" said Elvira. "I call it The Macabre Mobile and it's never given me any trouble before, but as soon as I got into town it started making all these funky noises and stuff. Now I can't even get it to start."

"we'd be happy to take a look at it," said Bo.

Luke gave him a "thanks for volunteering me" look, but then nodded.

"It's probably something simple, like a dirty carburetor," he said. "We'll check it out for you."

"Ooh, thanks. I really appreciate it, guys. While you do that, I'm gonna head inside and... give my old dog a bone or something. It's hot as all hell out here."

"Yeah, it is," Luke said to Bo as Elvira went back inside. Bo shrugged.

* * *

One hour later the cousins had removed their sweat covered shirts and were working on the underside of Elvira's Macabre Mobile topless when they heard a familiar voice calling them from the front of the house. They slid themselves out from under the car all covered in oil and grease and headed towards the source of the voice. Sure enough, out front was their cousin, Daisy, in her usual cutoff shorts and halter top. Her white Jeep was parked next to The General and she seemed to be looking around for them with a worried expression.

"There you two are," she said when she turned and saw them. "Where have you two been? I've been looking for you all afternoon. What are you doing at this old place?"

"We were..." started Bo.

"We stopped to have a swim, and-" said Luke, but Daisy cut him off.

Is that why you're half naked?" she asked.

"No," said Bo. "We were fixing this lady's car."

"What lady? What car?" asked Daisy, annoyed.

Bo and Luke sighed. Bo grabbed his female cousin by the hand and he and Luke began to lead her to the back of the house, but much to their surprise when they got there, the Macabre Mobile was gone.

"Well?" said Daisy, crossing her arms.

"Now wait just a minute," said Luke. "There was a car here a minute ago.

"Let's ask Elvira," said Bo.

He led the way into the house, which somehow now seemed even dustier and creepier than it had before. When the three cousins reached the living room Luke and Bo's mouths dropped open. There was no red couch, no bone phone, no movie posters, no nothing except the old busted furniture and a bunch of cobwebs.

"Elvira!" called Bo. He was starting to get panicky. "Elvira!" he called again.

No answer.

"Hello!" called Luke.

Nothing. Not even a dog bark.

"What are you two cuckoo birds on about?" asked Daisy. "There ain't been anybody living in this place in ages."

Bo and Luke looked at each other with terror on their faces.

"Musta been heat stroke," said Luke.

"Yeah, heat stroke," said Bo, taking a calming breath.

"Now where could that have come from?" said Daisy, suddenly pointing.

Bo and Luke looked where she pointed at and gasped. Sitting there on the old, dusty, coffee table was Luke's glass of lemonade and Bo's half eaten cookie.

**The End**


End file.
